Heartless or not
by Mallet Percussionist
Summary: Everyone has a heart, even Neji. "Neji, you heartless bastard!" Morphy: You were saying...? Me: That everyone has a heart except for Neji. Crack oneshot. Neji seems to resemble a bowling pin somehow...


Heartless…or not

Summary: Everyone has a heart. Even Neji. _"Neji, you heartless bastard!"_ Morphy: You were saying…? Me: That everyone has a heart except for Neji.

Disclaimer: Yep, the guy's gonna sign a contract and hand _Naruto_ over to me...snorts As if! That will happen when pigs start flying! pig flies overhead

-Silence-

Anyone know his contact number?

* * *

"Y'know Neji, it was really kind of you to come out and help me."

"…"

"Thanks for helping me carry all the stuff here."

"…"

"Even though you had a meeting, you still came and helped me."

**Hm, I wonder what he'll say next…**

"…"

**Surprise, surprise…rolls eyes**

"I really appreciate it."

"…"

"Neji, it's getting kinda tedious talking a monologue!"

**Heheh, I learnt that word from one of my friends.**

"…"

"NEJI!!"

**Ooooh, do I detect a hint of frustration?**

"What?"

"Oh look, the 'genius' can talk."

**And maybe a touch of sarcasm?**

"I've always been able to talk."

**gasp. Is that an intelligent **_**sentence**_** I'm hearing from THE Hyuuga Neji??**

"Pft. Suuuuure."

**Apparently, Tenten doesn't believe him either…**

"Hn"

**I **_**knew**_** it was too good to be true…**

"DAMMIT NEJI, WOULD IT HURT YOU SO MUCH AS TO SAY JUST ONE. CIVILISED. _SENTENCE_??"

"Yes"

"Nejiiiii…"

**Uh-oh…**

"…"

"Neji!"

"…"

"HYUUGA NEJI, WOULD YOU _PLEASE_ TURN AROUND AND LOOK BEHIND YOU!!"

"Wha-"

Crash

"Ooof!"

"Huh? Where am I?"

**Okay, let me set the scene. Neji has just annoyed Tenten to a level 12 out of a scale of 10. A kid now has just come running in from seemingly nowhere and bowled Neji over. Yep, bowled him over just like a bowling pin.**

Kid's status: Dazed and sitting on top of a surprised Neji.

Neji opened his eyes and saw a kid, maybe 5 or 6 years old, sitting on his chest.

"What the-?"

Neji, being the heartless guy that he is, simply stood up. Yep, he just stood up. No, he didn't set the kid down.

Kid's status: Clinging onto Neji's shirt and hanging on for dear life.

"Honestly Neji, be more careful next time. And put that kid down! Gent-"

"Huh?"

Kid, meet the ground. Ground, meet the kid.

"-ly. NEJI!!"

"What did I do?"

Kid's status: On the ground and about to cry.

"Neji, you heartless bastard!"

"What did I do this time?"

"Don't you have any sympathy towards others??" she hissed.

"Sympathy? What sympathy?"

Tenten rolled her eyes before crouching down to comfort the kid.

Kid's status: Currently bawling eyes out.

"Hey big guy, my name's Tenten, what's yours?"

"Mitoro"

'Ok Mitoro, did you bring any friends or family members with you?"

"Tenten, what's with the 'big guy' talk?" **Guess who that was.**

"Neji, it's to boost his ego, to stop him from going hysterical."

"M-mummy came w-with me b-b-but now I-I can't f-f-f-find her!"

Kid's status: Now in hysterics.

"You were saying?"

"Shut up."

"Heh, is that all you can think of?"

"No, you idiot, I'm hearing a woman calling for Mitoro!" Sure enough, a woman came running onto the scene.

"Mitoro! There you are! I've been looking _everywhere_ for you!" **Classic line. I know, it's overused. Do I care?**

"Thank you so much for finding him!"

"No worries." **Classic conversation. See the comment above.**

Kid's status: Now found. Leaving with mum.

The atmosphere lightened as Tenten watched them leave, a small smile on her face.

**Phew, she's calmed down.**

Before turning onto Neji.

**Knew it was too good to last…**

"Hyuuga." **Peeks out from self-dug hole. Anyone care to join me?**

"Oh, insert swear word/phrase of your own choice" **Yep, the Hyuuga Neji just swore. IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!!**

Tenten drew out her scroll…

…_Crap…_

She summoned a few of her weapons. He noticed that they were her sharpest ones and closed his eyes.

…_I'm gonna die…_

Her eyes narrowed…

…_Good-bye world…_

"Neji, are you going to just stand there like an idiot with your eyes closed or are you going to help me catch that thief?"

"Eh? Thief? What thief?"

"The one that's running towa-"

"OOF!"

"-rds you right now."

"Hey, dumbass," the thief yelled, "Get outta my wa-HOLY SHT!"

Neji had just turned around, revealing the eyes of his famed (and rather biased, if I may add,) clan.

"Y-y-you're a Hyuuga!"

Neji was now fully utilising his 'you'd-better-run-now-if-you-value-your-life-because-you've-just-pissed-off-one-of-the-most-powerful-Hyuugas-in-the-world' glare. And boy did the thief run.

"Tenten, you stay here."

"Why? What are you going to do?"

"I'm gonna…"

**Due to the fact that the following threat may provoke permanent mental scarring, the authoress has omitted most of the threat.**

"…and once I've done that, I'm gonna hand him over to Ibiki."

"Fine, go ahead but you might want to catch him first."

-Pause-

"Neji? I think he's gone already. Pft. So eager…"

5 minutes later

"Nejiiiii…"

"What?"

"Remember what I said about you being a heartless bastard?"

"No"

-Glare-

"Yes"

"I take it back. I guess I was wrong when you ran after the thief."

"That doesn't imply that I have a 'heart'."

"Eh? But didn't you chase after him because he committed a crime and you wanted to prove that you had actually had a functioning moral sense of justice?"

"No, I chased him because he showed disrespect to a member of the Hyuuga clan."

-Silence-

-Long silence-

-VERY long silence-

**Tenten, I think that's your cue…**

"NANI??"

**That's better.**

"You mean you chased that thief down because it was a matter of PRIDE?? Not MORALITY??"

"Yep"

**Um…Neji? I may be wrong but…in all likelihood, takes a deep breath if you were answering in order to save your skin as well as the cost of having to replace everything that will most likely be damaged and to ensure that you would survive to continue the Hyuuga line, not to mention saving yourself the embarrassment the Naruto will most likely cause if he finds out what happened…that was probably the wrong answer…**

"Hyuuga Neji…"

**People? I think now would be a good time to run. A VERY good time to run.**

"You…

…**3…**

…Are…

…**2…**

…Dead…

…**1…**

"SOUSHOURYU!"


End file.
